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Holding Pattern  
12:16am 30/08/2010
I've had a frustrating day. A stress day. A ho-hum, woe is me day. And I can't say that it's anything different and unusual from a lot of weekends in the past.

I used to love weekends. They're weekends after all! Relaxation, a break, a time to be me. But lately at the end of the weekend I don't feel refreshed, I don't feel like going back to work with a smile and a bounce in my step. Instead I feel like I wasted two days... like there are so many things undone, and my life would be happier if I did them.

My home is a constant frustration. Some will say because I'm a cancer, some will say because of my upbringing, some will say because it's just part of me, but this drives me nuts. I like my home in some semblance of order. Not white glove clean, EVER, but cozy and usable. I haven't been sewing or doing crafts or anything because I don't have the space because of clutter and mess, and it bugs me. Or maybe just the general mess makes it hard for me to relax and enjoy.

But then on the weekends I make me and the boy start cleaning, then I ambition starts dwindling and not everything that needed to be done got done, and I'm back to Sunday night looking around wondering what really was accomplished.

I did accomplish a lot, honestly, but I still am loathe to have guests and still need to do so much more.

I feel like I'm in a holding pattern, and have been since I moved. This isn't home to me, just a place where I sleep and eat and pass the time between one work shift and another. This is unhealthy. This is just not me.

So I'll say because of this situation I will start cleaning every evening until it is done, I will start making improvements to make this home, but I can't say that it will change anything or get the job done.

I realize that I have lots to do to make this all work, that I have to find my peace in my space. I'm confident I will, but I need to do it soon before I just go completely wacky. Holding patterns are bad, they never allow you to grow.
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(no subject)  
12:19pm 24/08/2010
There aren't enough stories in my life.
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Today I Wear Black  
07:23am 20/04/2009
Today I wear black.

I wear black in remembrance for the teenagers and children who lost their freedom of individualty, education and in some cases their lives after Columbine. I wear black to show that in real life, difference is honored and respected and that justifying conformity with fear damages society and the future.
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Wow, I like to think this isn't far off!  
03:46pm 29/03/2009
fun quiz for myspace profile and blog

Lets101 Quizzes - Quizzes for Fun

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It's a Freak Show Every Night  
10:21pm 06/03/2009
My son, and every other 12 year old boy in the world, is a big fan of Danny Phantom. One day he was watching an episode where Circus Gothica came to town and took over the minds of the kids and whatever. What struck me was there was something about the bad guy, Freakshow's voice... I knew it from somewhere and just couldn't place it. Later that day I changed the station and saw an ad for 2 and a half men. And it dawned on me... Freakshow is Jon Cryer. Therefore, Freakshow is Ducky! *sigh* And somehow after not seeing that movie for over 10 years, I had the feeling that I should know and love this guy just by his voice... and I was right!

Speaking of things that haven't happened in over a decade, I don't think they painted my high school since I graduated in 1992. Ah well, they let MTV in anyway...

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I can't wait!  
10:37pm 17/01/2009
mood: excited
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Pecan Pie: A Cautionary Tale to Holiday Dishwashers  
10:13pm 08/12/2008
My grandma is moving into an assisted living facility and is getting rid of a ton of her stuff. One of the things she gave me was my great grandmother's pie plates. These are gold rimmed and have a lovely pink flower motif, perfect for girley movie night or a lovely tea gathering. I was in love.

When investigating these pie plates, I noticed something... a big glob of pecan pie. QUITE OBVIOUSLY pecan pie that has been dried and festering on this plate for some time.

Consider this:

My grandmother is the biggest neat freak in the known universe. Everything, for her, must be meticulously cleaned before being put away, while being stored and before being used. It is obvious that her negligence was not the cause of the pie residue.

My mother, who has a keen eye for the visual, does not remember ever seeing or using these plates. She was born in the late '40s

I don't remember grandma ever serving pecan pie.

So basically, some 50 years ago +, some kind soul who had dessert at my grandparents' offered to wash the dishes and did a shoddy job. My grandma bought new desert plates and pushed great grandma's to the back of the cabinet. Here I am, in the next millennium, scrubbing off ancient pecan pie because of some lazy sot who can't do dishes.

Let this be a lesson to you-- honor your descendants by ensuring that they do not need to go through the same struggle of sandblasting old pie off of fine china.
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(no subject)  
09:56pm 23/10/2008
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Video Editing?  
06:49am 15/10/2008
Can anyone recommend some video editing software? My camera films in mov files, so linux software probably won't work*. I prefer free/cheap (non-pirated,) but feel free to suggest things that aren't. Thanks!

*I have windows, I just don't use it. Ever.
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Open Letter to John McCain  
02:40pm 29/08/2008
The more I think about your choice of running with Sarah Palin, the more pissed it makes me. While I am a woman and a feminist, and I dream to someday be able to vote a qualified woman into office, it is obvious that you have missed the point.

It is important to me as a woman, a worker, a small business owner and a mother to have someone qualified working for me and my country. I don't care what chromosomes they have, if their skin is black, white, purple or green, or any other stupid division that should have been put to rest decades ago... I care that they are qualified.

The fact that you have decided that a less-than-one-term hockey-mom is your best concession to equality is laughable. The idea that a woman as VP is being hailed as groundbreaking, when the democrats ran a qualified woman when I was 10, is ridiculous. The fact that you think that you can court my vote by throwing up a token beauty queen onto your ticket is utterly insulting.

You, Mr. McCain, are consistently proving that you belong somewhere in the last century. Your so called "maverick move" only shows that you don't get it at all. I'm not voting for someone just because she is a woman, I'm voting for the best person for the job. Thinking anything less of me, and women like me, is the biggest insult an out of touch man like yourself can give.
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